My story
Emotions are powerful
“Emotions are powerful. Your mood determines how you interact with people, how much money you spend, how you deal with challenges, and how you spend your time. Gaining control over your emotions will help you become mentally stronger.” ― Ami Morin, 3 Powerful Ways to Gain Control Over Your Emotions
Early on in my childhood, I adopted the mindset of: “Things always go wrong for me!” And I would end up in some awkward situation that my friends would classify as “typical Ana!” It was as if I found myself in a spiral, a vortex of my own creation, but one I didn’t have the power to get out of. 37 years went by until my self-inflicted vortex drove me to a burnout. With a 3-year-old child and a lovely husband I knew I needed a life change. This time for real! “But where should I start?” “Gain control of your emotions!”, they said. How do I do that??
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” – Gandhi
My thoughts and questions would go wild as if on an incessant loop: “How do I get myself out of this emotional turmoil? How do I control my emotions? Should I even control my emotions? Maybe I should find a therapist. But, I am living abroad and I don’t feel comfortable expressing my thoughts in a foreign language…If only I were back in my homeland. But I’m not. And I need to work. I have so much on my plate! People say that meditation is a great way to reduce stress. But I don’t have time for that! I am stressed, I have so much to do, and no time at all to relax. “30 minutes meditation per day” some experts say… I don’t even have time to breathe!
The cherry on top of the ice was placing blame: “It’s not my fault. It’s theirs!” (I will come back to this later.)
Engineers always figure it out.
“I am an engineer, I will figure it out myself. There must be an easy and quick way to manage my emotions! I will figure it out. Engineers always do,” I told myself.
I didn’t know then that another long journey would come along in my life. One with no going back. Speaking of journeys, one influential motivational speaker once said,
“The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.” – Tony Robbins
I would even add to Tony’s quote: “And sometimes you have no choice but to begin the impossible journey because… Life just pushes you to the edge!”
Throughout my professional career as an engineer, any time I had a problem to solve, I would go (more or less) through the following steps: define the goal > establish criteria and constraints > evaluate alternative paths > build a prototype of the best solution > test the prototype using established criteria > analyze test results and make changes if needed > communicate the final solution. This time, to figure out how to get out of the mental turmoil I put myself in. I knew it would do no good to rely on old habits. Something had to be done differently. It was my responsibility to resolve the issues in my life and to survive the burnout. Otherwise I would risk damaging my relationship with my child and my husband. I was already on the edge!
I am a logical person who, for decades, was trained to follow procedures and methodologies. Math and physics were, and still are, the main foundations I use to understand my reality and the world I live in. Can’t avoid it, can’t change it. The solution I was looking for, to help me stop reacting the way I’d been conditioned to reacting, needed to be quick, simple, and reliable (scientifically proven). Then I remembered the “mind exercises” my father shared with me back in 2011 during one of his visits.
My 2011 Edge
In 2011 I was desperate to find a job as an engineer. I had been released from a company a couple of months before and it was getting harder to keep my motivation high in the job hunting process. I was getting depressed. Ever since I moved to Germany, I’ve always shielded my parents from any bad news in my life. Only when it was essential for them to know would I inform them, but I always reported the bright side of things (you know, when you leave your parents’ house and emigrate the goal is to achieve a better life, not to fail). However, somehow my father spotted my lack of hope regarding finding a job and he told me on the phone “It is time for me to teach you a couple of exercises. I will book my flight as soon as possible.” My answer: “Yeah, whatever, dad. You are more than welcome in our home.” When I hung up the phone I thought, “What is he talking about? It’s probably one of his outside-the-box hypnoses-related therapy techniques…”
A little bit of background about my father. He is a psychologist with both a Master’s and Doctorate degree, who specializes in clinical hypnosis. Whenever someone asked about my father’s occupation, I would tell them that he is/does so much more than clinical work with his amazing knowledge of how our mind and conscience works.
My father arrived at our place and we set up two sessions for me to learn the exercises that would help me to overcome my emotional turmoil and get my life back on track. After all, 2 weeks later I would have my next job interview. Oh, my dears… My mindset in 2011 was such a mess that even with a great CV in hand, I failed in passing all of my job interviews. I like to call it “My 2011 Edge”.
“I feel on fire!”
After a week of two sessions learning these new exercises with my father, plus two more weeks of practicing them by myself every 2 days until my next round of job interviews, I PASSED the first job interview. I also passed the three interviews that followed. FOUR in total!
I had gone from a depressive and hopeless state of mind three weeks prior, to one of disbelief wondering, “What just happened to me?? Did I really get the job? I feel on fire!! Bring it on!”
The Starting Point for My Mind Toolbox
Between 2011 (after I got the job) and 2018 (when I began to experience burnout) I rarely used my father’s exercises. I didn’t need them anymore, I thought. Well, life went back to being good again. I got that job as an engineer. I had a good salary. I was financially independent from my husband, and we were able to vacation in beautiful places like Thailand. In 2013 I got pregnant, and we had the privilege of spending the first 10 months at home with our new baby. After 14 months of being a stay-at-home mom, I had to apply for a new job in 2015 because the company I was hired to work for in 2011 closed. Finding another great new job would not be a problem (I had my dad’s exercises in my hand!). Life was good.
Then, 2018 came… And with it came the irritation, insomnia, stress, compulsive thinking, mental exhaustion, sickness, and ultimately, the burnout.